Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
