i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
