we're chasing vodka with high fives
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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