his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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