yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
