Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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