dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
