My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
