I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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