Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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