I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
