Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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