also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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