remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
