i was born a porn star she said
you told grandpa to call you daddy
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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