Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
