Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
