best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
