i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
