a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
