It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
