At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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