Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
