i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
