dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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