Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So squirting runs in the family.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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