A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
