no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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