I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
