I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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