My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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