The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
