you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
