i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
