and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
