i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
