Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize