She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
