Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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