it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
