I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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