sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
