i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
