i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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