I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need to calm my uterus...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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