i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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