Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
