its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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