Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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