Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
