Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
