the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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