It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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