my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We named our party play list daddy issues
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize