Just fell off a train. Bad.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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