My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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