Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This beer is not sobering me up at all
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
