Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the gays at disneyland are vicious
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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