Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
