Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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