cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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