You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
