My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
