She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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