He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
