I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
