Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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