i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize