Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
