weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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