you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
