Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
