White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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