ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
vagina is talking i cant
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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