I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
