that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
