The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She's the barista slut.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
