Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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