also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
